At least not how it’s popularly understood. And here’s why.  I think it’s actually a very destructive and unhealthy concept, responsible for ruining a myriad of relationships that might very well have been otherwise good and worthwhile. 

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to discourage the aspect of the concept that says that you should keep hoping, that you’ll one day find a person who will love you and be happy together. That will most likely happen if you keep putting yourself out there — although I don’t think there’s any reason to think it’s a 100% guarantee. Being single is just as legitimate and worthwhile a calling as being in a relationship. 

That’s not what I think is unhealthy about the idea of soulmates. What I think is unhealthy is the idea that somewhere out there is the 100% perfect person for you, who was meant for you, who will fit you like a key in a lock. I don’t believe this for several reasons. For one, I think it’s a cop-out. The only real soulmate is the one you’re with. Anything else is disloyalty and unfaithfulness — it’s jumping ship before even leaving the harbor. Because it’s impossible for any relationship to  never go wrong, and the moment it does, the idea of soulmates gives us the license to think, “Oh, well, I guess they aren’t my true soulmate after all,” and begin to look in other places and think thoughts foreign to love. So it ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. People don’t fall out of love. It’s thoughts like these, and the failure to reject them and guard ourselves against them, that cause us to step outside of love. I also think it’s unhealthy because it suggests that love should be easy. It isn’t, and it won’t ever be. Real love is a challenge, it’s something that you won’t always want to do, but it will always be good for you to do it. The more different the one you love is from you, from how you imagined your “true soulmate” would be, the more you’ll be challenged. Real love will push you, make you grow, take you to places outside of yourself that you’re not comfortable in, that you never dreamed of going and you’re even now not entirely sure you want to go. But it will always be worth it. 

But you’ll never know if you bail at the first sign they aren’t the person you thought they were.